A Young and Experimental Namekian
by Nindy Kyoko Shinretzu
Summary: One-shot to explain how come Dende called coffee gross when watching Vegito fight Majin Buu as coffee-flavored candy, instead of another flavor. How does a Namek, who supposedly only drinks water, gain such antipathy for a flavor? My explanation.


**Author's Notes:** A one-shot to explain how come Dende wondered out loud how come Buu had chosen to turn Vegito (fusion between Goku and Vegeta with the Potarra earrings) into coffee-flavored candy, because, in his own words: "That's gross!", while Namekians usually only drink water and don't eat anything.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dragonball Z nor did I create it, the rightful owners of the series are Akira Toriyama and Toei Animation. I'm just writing a story in the world Toriyama created with the characters he created. The story I make up is my own.

* * *

A Young and Experimental Namekian

He had been guardian of earth for four years now. As a guardian, he'd sworn an oath to protect the earth and its inhabitants. Inhabitants that consisted mainly of humans. But as he'd gotten older, he'd come to realize Gohan and the others weren't the perfect examples of that. Even if they did devote their lives to protecting the blue planet.

How could he be guardian of a people he was not familiar with? It didn't make sense. He was familiar with earth's special forces and their friends and family, but because of all the crazy stuff they'd been used to dealing with throughout their lives, even those among them who were fully human could hardly be called representatives of earth's population.

It was on a warm summer day that Dende confided these worries to his best friend who had come to visit; the demi-saiyan that had saved earth from a horrible creation four years ago.

"Gohan? Could you tell me a bit more about humans? I've been guarding them for quite a while now, and I've come to realize I don't really know anything about them. You can hardly call even Yamcha or Krillin average humans," he laughed uncertainly.

His best friend laughed. No-one could laugh as freely as Gohan could, in Dende's opinion. It was liberating just to listen to. And always so full of warmth…

"I guess not. But it's average humans you want to know about, right? Let's see – they drink lots of coffee, they tend to agree with what people around them say because they'd feel uncertain otherwise, some have a short temper but others are really calm and gentle – I don't think there's an average there – and um, well they have school, jobs, marriage, kids… Um, what more to say about humans… All of them need other people in some way, even the ones that say they don't. And having someone to look up to always helps – like Mr. Satan."

"Average humans are pathetic," Piccolo concluded his pupil's story.

"That's not what I said, though. I think a lot of humans are just afraid because they don't know or understand enough about their world and because they feel alone easily."

His teacher sighed. "I don't understand how you can empathize with their idiocy… they have no brains. **You** are the one who beat Cell, Gohan, not that blasted Hercule."

The teenage boy shuddered, his untidy black hair rustling along with the movement.

"If that much fame is the immediate consequence of the world knowing you beat him, I'm grateful that he's out there to take the credit. What if none of the humans out there had done that and they'd have found out? Mount Paoz would have been crowded and they'd never give us peace again! Mom often says the world should know, but I'm sure she'd go crazy as well. I don't think she realizes the paparazzi might not give me the space to study."

The older Namek grunted.

"I'm not saying I'd want you dealing with the fame – I just don't want you to be naïve about humans. They're a corrupt bunch, out for personal gain and a feign sense of importance."

Gohan chuckled. "Maybe you should be resigning then, Dende."

Dende whitened, but his friend winked reassuringly.

"You're being too simpleminded about it, Piccolo. Most humans out there want to be important because they want to feel like they mean something. Humans are generally really insecure creatures; they're afraid they can be easily discarded if they don't contribute to their world with some important discovery or thought or act… I know a lot of people out there aren't exactly pure-hearted; but they're not evil and they're not all stupid, either. They want to matter. There are humans that do really good things with that desire, and there are humans that do really bad things with the same motivation. But in the end; they're worth protecting."

The guardian's eyes were glimmering and a black-skinned man came walking up towards them, applauding. "Well spoken, Gohan."

Piccolo let the topic drop; with Mr. Popo on their side, he didn't stand a chance.

"So humans are insecure, social creatures that live their lives trying to matter?"

"That's basically it, yeah."

"But why does an average human drink so much of that thing you called 'coffee'? What does that have to do with it?"

The half-human teenager started sitting crossed-legged as he thought deeply, a frown becoming visible on his forehead, his arms resting on the purple fabric of the Namekian fighter-outfit he was wearing.

"You know; I really don't know. I've only drunk it a couple of times so far; the stuff's really bitter and mom says you have to learn to drink it.

There's something called caffeine in there, which can keep you awake if you need to keep going. A lot of humans start every day by drinking coffee to clear their minds and wake up properly, and a lot of humans use coffee to stay awake if they need to work late or anything."

"Maybe _I_ should give it a shot."

Everyone turned to Dende.

"Give what a shot?" they asked as one.

"Drinking coffee."

They gawked at the fourteen-year-old guardian.

"Dende, have you completely lost it?!"

"I just think it might make me understand humans better."

"There's a reason we Nameks only drink water," Piccolo stated darkly.

"Oh I don't know," his student interfered thoughtfully. "I think especially eating is a no-no for a Namekian metabolism, but if you can drink water, then why not some other kind of moist? It can't be **that** harmful."

The turban-wearing Namek scrutinized the black-haired fifteen-year-old skeptically, but seemed to be out of arguments to counter.

"That's settled, then," Gohan decided pragmatically. "But you shouldn't leave it at just coffee, Dende. You should really taste orange juice and hot chocolate as well. Kids here love it and I don't think there are a lot of humans out there that have never drunk those things."

His friend nodded appreciatively; his master groaned.

He didn't know if he should want to be a part of this madness…

"Do you have any way to get these drinks, Gohan? I have orange juice up here, but no coffee or hot chocolate, I'm afraid," the servant-like Mr. Popo offered.

"Don't worry, I'll go get some. I'll be right back. And oh, Dende, if you want to know anything about human sports and pastime activities, you **should** ask Yamcha. Baseball is very popular with humans and Yamcha's a famous player of a team called The Titans."

"Oh. Sure."

"Right back!"

And the young demi-saiyan took a freefall down and didn't envelop himself with ki to speed forward until he'd done various gracious flips and turns, exhilarated by the feel of absolute freedom soaring through the skies gave him.

Dende sighed. "Sometimes I forget Gohan and I aren't the same age anymore because of the year he spent in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber."

"Mentally, I don't think that matters."

"Are you sure about that, Piccolo?"

Popo laughed. "You underestimate your abilities, young master."

The boy's green cheeks had turned a bright shade of pink when Gohan finally returned, two card boxes in hand.

The guardian jumped up and ran towards his childhood friend, his antennae swishing along with the swift and sudden movement.

"Is that coffee, Gohan?"

A good-humored laugh. "And hot chocolate. Right now there's nothing more than powder in these boxes, though. Popo, you have water and cups, right? And spoons?"

The black man who wore a turban with a gem embedded into it nodded.

"That's great. I'll just need to boil the water with my ki. Ready for the challenge, Dende?"

The young teenager swallowed but nodded affirmatively with a glimmer to his eyes; Piccolo slapped a hand in front of his face.

An inexperienced Namek was about to tread where no Namek had ever trod before…

Orange juice slid through the throat of the green-skinned boy who held responsibilities no human child his age could ever fathom. It slid through it slowly, tantalizingly, as he closed his eyes to fully appreciate what inhabitants of earth tasted so often.

A green-skinned man stood watching, standing against a column nearby, observing. The boy didn't show signs of pain. After a moment, a small smile even tugged at his lips.

"Nice stuff."

Gohan exhaled, relieved, and smiled brightly. Orange juice had been the least of the challenge though; as it was made from fruit and consisted of a lot of water as well, it was not half as dangerous as hot chocolate and coffee were bound to be. Nonetheless, he still took it as a good sign that Dende had taken a liking to his favorite kind of juice. It was like he was finally able to show a part of his life to his friend he hadn't been able to share with him before. He'd never be able to taste food he ate, but he'd know what Gohan was talking about when it came to certain flavors. Major improvement! And it opened up a whole new dimension, too.

Popo helped the oldest son of the late Goku prepare a mug of hot chocolate, his red lips smiling. The young boy really had a heart for his job, a heart unlike of that of all the previous guardians he'd served. Even Kami hadn't been bothering himself about whether he was close enough to the humans he guarded or not. That boy cared **so** much about everything… a little too much, sometimes, really. It moved the genie deeply, though.

"Here you go, Dende."

A steaming cup filled to the brim with a brown liquid with a slight froth on top of it was handed to the Namek teenager by his best friend.

The boy smelled it, first.

"Sweet, isn't it?"

"It sure smells that way."

Without a second thought, despite the obvious heat that burned his tongue, he took a greedy gulp. After swallowing he exhaled a couple of times, trying to cool the blisters he'd created on the inside of his mouth, but then he continued taking large gulps.

"Dende?"

Earth's guardian was whitening and the demi-saiyan was starting to wonder if his theory about Namekians being able to deal with moist on the whole was wrong. He was wincing as if he was in pain. Why the hell did he keep on drinking?!

The fourteen-year-old stopped drinking halfway through his cup, panting and clutching his stomach, but smiling as if he was in ecstasy.

"This tastes amazing, Gohan. Do people get addicted to this?"

Gohan burst out laughing; Piccolo jaw-dropped.

"Yup, they sure do. Chocolate is often made into candy. People eat it a lot. There's a bit of serotonin in there, just a bit, but it makes you feel happy."

Cell's vanquisher burst out laughing again. "You have a chocolate mustache, Dende."

His friend laughed but started clutching his stomach again after taking another gulp, whitening until he resembled paper.

Suddenly a vision of the past imposed on the demi-saiyan's mind. His mother had wanted him to taste coffee for the first time after she'd gotten over the worst of her sadness and realized her son had become somewhat of a man after saving the world. Especially now he was the only man in the house. But he'd just been eleven back then, and a single sip told him enough as to how bitter the stuff was. His mother had insisted that he finished the entire contents of that one, ceramic cup. It was like a demonic substance that was provoking him. He _had_ to get rid of it. So as soon as Chi-Chi had turned her attention to the sink, he'd thrown the remaining contents into the plant that had stood on the table. The next day, he was awoken early by a very angry mom… the plant had withered. The brown leaves hung downwards sadly, blaming him without words. He'd completely destroyed it…

"Dende? Are you sure about giving coffee a try as well?" he asked worriedly. "Hot chocolate already seems to make you go through a lot of pain."

"This is worth it," the guardian panted, apparently still in awe with chocolate's taste. "Besides, I have to try. A stomachache won't kill me. Tomorrow I'll no longer feel it, but I might understand a bit more about humans, or at least know more about what they do throughout their days through experience."

Gohan nodded. "If you're sure…"

But Gohan's doubts had had their grounds. Coffee – didn't slide down so well.

In fact…

"Hey! What's that?"

A fat man with a slight mustache and unkempt long black hair drew the attention of a white cat with a stick to a brown kind of substance that was falling down the sky.

Korin and Yajirobe watched as it fell, fell, fell right on the top of the straw hat of a farmer in a rural countryside. The man looked up, grabbed his shotgun, and started shouting obscenities in his southern tongue at the birds that had apparently had the guts to ruin his favorite hat. Except… there were no birds around.

Just his luck… either he had strange aliens crashing down, people flying over without the help of vehicles, or invisible birds crapping on his hat.

He took the hat off and looked. What was that? He dipped his finger into it and tasted.

Coffee! And from a rotten good cup, judging from the taste of it! Exactly the kind of strength he wanted from his favorite drink. He hadn't heard about it ever raining coffee, but then again, he didn't know **what** kinds of things were invented in the cities these days.

On the lookout, the young, experimental Namek was hanging over the edge of the floating sanctuary.

"Okay… maybe the coffee-experiment was **not** worth this stomachache."

"Gosh Dende… I didn't know you'd think it was that bad."

"It's gross… I'll never understand why humans drink the stuff… Never."

His friend patted him on the shoulder comfortingly.

"Don't worry about it, Dende. Understanding everything about the average human is not that important, anyway. You understand enough about humans to be their perfect guardian."

"Thanks, Gohan."

The guardian forced out a smile at his helpful words.

"Maybe you should rest, young master."

"I knew from the beginning this was a stupid idea," the once evil Piccolo grumbled.

And the new guardian of earth, so curious about human nature, was brought to bed.

But so it happened that it just escaped the seventeen-year-old guardian, years later, when faced with earth's strongest fighting candy. Despite the hazardous tidings, despite the imminent destruction of the blue planet…

"Why **coffee**?! That's gross!"


End file.
